Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
