I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
