what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
And then my night got REAL pukey
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
