Do you still have your period?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
