why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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