Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
