Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Green mimosas i think yes
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just high enough for therapy.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
