Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
