dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
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