I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
