That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
