So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
