I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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