ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
