So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
