i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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