After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
