I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
