i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
