Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Randomize
