you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Two words: nipple clamps
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