you traded sex for a burrito?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
