My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
