In America we eat man semen.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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