Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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