so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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