I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Found the puke drawer
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
