I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
