We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
