Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
