Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
