6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
