I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
