I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
