Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
