I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
