Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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