i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
