Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
