And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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