So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
