Small penises have feelings too.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
