We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
