it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
