The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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