this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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