I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
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My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
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Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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