I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
