the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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