She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
