Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
