Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
