even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
