How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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