I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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