I wish I only lived at night.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
