The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
