Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
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Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
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I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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