He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
