If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
