closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I need moral support for this bender
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
