a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
