all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
