That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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