I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
