Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize