Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
that's an acceptable place to lick
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
