So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
