So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
