this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
