It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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