She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
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making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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