You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
