i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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