I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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