I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
