New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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