Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
