I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
