He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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