8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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